There was a blonde, a brunette and a redhead who were all news reporters going to Iraq.

One day the 3 of them got captured by a group of terrorists and were going to be executed the next day.

Next day

The terrorists put the redhead first in the middle of a circle of men with lots of guns. Scared as hell she thought I have a perfect idea. The commander said “ready…aim…” then the redhead blurts out “tornado tornado tornado!” They all scattered out and she ran away.

They come back aput put the brunette in the circle. “Ready…aim…” With quick thinking she blurts out “earthquake earthquake earthquake!” They all scattered and she got away.

The terrorists return once more and put the blonde in the circle. “Ready… aim…” The blonde, seeing the other reporters schemes, says, “fire fire fire.”

A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection; in fact, the letters “UFO” were emblazoned in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft. As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with shock, his young blonde attendant nonchalantly filled up the tank and waved to the two aliens as they took off.

“Do you realize what just happened?” the station owner finally uttered.

“Yeah,” said the blonde attendant. “So?”

“Didn’t you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!”

“Yeah,” repeated the blonde attendant. “So?”

“Didn’t you see the letters ‘UFO’ on the side of that vehicle?!”

“Yeah,” repeated the blonde attendant. “So?”

“Don’t you know what ‘UFO’ means?!” The blonde attendant rolled his eyes.

“Good grief, boss! I’ve been working here for six years. Of course I know what ‘UFO’ means - ‘Unleaded Fuel Only.’”

A blond was driving down the highway to Disneyland when he saw a sign that said “DISNEYLAND LEFT.” After thinking for a minute, he said to himself, “oh well!” and turned around and drove home.

On his way home, the same blond drove past another sign that said “CLEAN RESTROOMS EIGHT MILES.” By the time he drove eight miles, he had cleaned 43 restrooms.

A blond lived on a farm. He didn’t get many visitors, so I went to see him… when I got there, he was standing stiff as a board, out in the middle of the cow paddock.

I yelled out to him, and asked what he was doing standing out there all still and straight.

He replied that he was trying to win a Noble Peace Prize.

I said, “Well, that’s great, but what are you doing in the paddock?”

He replied, “I was reading the newspaper, and it said all you had to do to win the Noble Peace Prize was to be outstanding in your field.”

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. The blonde goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. The blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so she is overcome with grief.

She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, “No, honey, don’t do it.”

The blonde replies, “Shut up, you’re next!”

What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

“Is it mine?”