A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you.”

A blonde went to a hair dresser’s one day, listening to a walkman. The hair dresser asked her what she wanted, and the blonde replied, “I need to get my hair trimmed, just make sure that you do not take these headphones off.”

The woman looked at the blonde, surprised, but did as she was told. While she was brushing the blonde’s hair, she accidentally bumped the headphones, knocking them to the ground. As she bent down to pick them up, the blonde fell over, onto the floor.

The hair dresser was very confused. She picked up the head phones and listened. This is what she heard…”breath in…breath out…breath in…breath out…”!

A blonde and a brunette are driving down the highway in a convertible. The brunette knows that she’s speeding so she asks the blonde if there’s a cop behind them.

The blonde looks behind her and sees a cop and tells the brunette. The brunette then asks if his he’s got his lights on. The blonde replies “Yes… No… Yes… No… Yes… No”

A blonde named Anna had a near death experience the other day when she went horseback riding.

Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control.

She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off.

Just when things could not possibly get worse, her foot got caught in the stirrup.

When this happened, she fell head first to the ground. Her head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down.

Just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager happened to walk by and unplugged it.

There was a blonde, a brunette and a redhead who were all news reporters going to Iraq.

One day the 3 of them got captured by a group of terrorists and were going to be executed the next day.

Next day

The terrorists put the redhead first in the middle of a circle of men with lots of guns. Scared as hell she thought I have a perfect idea. The commander said “ready…aim…” then the redhead blurts out “tornado tornado tornado!” They all scattered out and she ran away.

They come back aput put the brunette in the circle. “Ready…aim…” With quick thinking she blurts out “earthquake earthquake earthquake!” They all scattered and she got away.

The terrorists return once more and put the blonde in the circle. “Ready… aim…” The blonde, seeing the other reporters schemes, says, “fire fire fire.”

A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection; in fact, the letters “UFO” were emblazoned in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft. As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with shock, his young blonde attendant nonchalantly filled up the tank and waved to the two aliens as they took off.

“Do you realize what just happened?” the station owner finally uttered.

“Yeah,” said the blonde attendant. “So?”

“Didn’t you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!”

“Yeah,” repeated the blonde attendant. “So?”

“Didn’t you see the letters ‘UFO’ on the side of that vehicle?!”

“Yeah,” repeated the blonde attendant. “So?”

“Don’t you know what ‘UFO’ means?!” The blonde attendant rolled his eyes.

“Good grief, boss! I’ve been working here for six years. Of course I know what ‘UFO’ means - ‘Unleaded Fuel Only.’”