A blond was driving down the highway to Disneyland when he saw a sign that said “DISNEYLAND LEFT.” After thinking for a minute, he said to himself, “oh well!” and turned around and drove home.

On his way home, the same blond drove past another sign that said “CLEAN RESTROOMS EIGHT MILES.” By the time he drove eight miles, he had cleaned 43 restrooms.

A blond lived on a farm. He didn’t get many visitors, so I went to see him… when I got there, he was standing stiff as a board, out in the middle of the cow paddock.

I yelled out to him, and asked what he was doing standing out there all still and straight.

He replied that he was trying to win a Noble Peace Prize.

I said, “Well, that’s great, but what are you doing in the paddock?”

He replied, “I was reading the newspaper, and it said all you had to do to win the Noble Peace Prize was to be outstanding in your field.”

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. The blonde goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. The blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so she is overcome with grief.

She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, “No, honey, don’t do it.”

The blonde replies, “Shut up, you’re next!”

What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

“Is it mine?”

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it; looks in the mirror and says, “Hmm, this person looks familiar.”

The second blonde says, “Here, let me see!”

So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, “You dummy, it’s me.”

A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, “How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here!” and hung up.

The husband said, “Who was that?”

The wife said, “I don’t know, some woman wanting to know ‘if the coast is clear.’”